An Unexpected Form of Self-Care
How making space for someone else’s joy can restore your own
I used to think “parent–child” classes were for older babies, the ones that could walk, sing along, or at least understand simple commands to clap and clean up. My 7-month-old was still in the tag-along stage. Most days I’d strap her into the carrier and bring her with me: groceries, coffee, errands. She’s usually on my schedule, at my pace.
Then one morning, I signed us up for a music class on a whim. I was curious. No plan, no expectations. I thought that maybe, for once, it could be about her day, not mine.
We arrived in the basement of our small-town local library. Miss Michelle, the teacher, laid out tiny noisemakers and instruments for the kids while she sang. Most of the children were 1–2 years old, toddling around and banging on drums. I immediately thought: This was a mistake. She isn’t old enough for this. But within minutes, I was proven wrong. She was social, engaged, lit up by the singing, shaking maracas with curiosity and laughter.
By the end of the class, baby R was beaming. She had a diaper blowout right at the end…but otherwise, a total success. This hour was less about passing time until bedtime, and more about creating space for her joy.
That one small shift from taking her along for my day to building part of the day around hers changed everything. It reminded me that purpose doesn’t always come from what we cross off our own list, or even come from our own agenda. Sometimes it’s born in the moments we make for someone else.
A Different Kind of Self-Care for Moms
Self-care for moms is an important conversation, especially in early motherhood when so much of our time and energy is redirected. When our new lifestyle limits our ability to lean on our usual practices, we need to adjust our relationship to self-care. What if we focused on ways to honor this new life instead of trying to fit in our usual non-negotiables? Dr. Jenny Turner writes beautifully about this idea. Yes, alone time, a spa day, or a workout class can be restorative. But there’s another form of self-care that rarely gets attention, and it fits more naturally into the unpredictable rhythms of new mom life.
Prosocial behavior —doing things for others—is one of the most reliable ways to boost our own well-being.
Research shows that even small actions like running an errand for someone, cooking them a meal, or setting aside time for their joy can increase happiness and life satisfaction by strengthening our sense of connection. Stress hormones quiet down, blood pressure eases, and oxytocin (the bonding hormone) rises, leaving us feeling more grounded and supported ourselves.
When we intentionally carve out time for someone else, we’re reshaping our own minds and bodies to be calmer, more connected, and more resilient. And, making that person’s day in some cases!
This phase has taught me that sometimes, the most nourishing form of self-care can be doing something for someone else. It’s also taught me how hard it can be to reach an emotional baseline to have the capacity for this. We have emotional wells that are easily drained during this period — finding ways to fill this well is what allows us to show up in this way. I wrote about this here, and I’ll be exploring it more in future posts.
A Self-Care Practice To Try
This week, try choosing one small thing to center your day around another person’s joy. It doesn’t have to be big—maybe it’s rocking your baby for an extra song before nap time or sending a quick voice note to a mom friend letting them know they’e doing a great job.
You might find, like I did, that it shifts the purpose of your day. That purpose can be as simple as seeing someone you love light up, and realizing you’ve made space for that light.
A few offerings for you:
🌿 If you’re preparing for birth, my FREE Calm Birth Mindset Journal is designed to help you enter labor feeling grounded and empowered. You can download it here.
🌀 If you’re in the trenches of early motherhood, I’m putting together something I wish I had in those first months—a guide with mindful practices to help you feel more grounded in the thick of it. Coming soon. Stay tuned!